


Making Things Work (And Other Scams)

by duaa



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Annoying Patton, Gen, M/M, Mentions of Money and shiz, Rich!Remy, ask to tag, like NOTHING happens and its like 4k, ngl this is kinda just waffle, so wtf yk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:07:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24646924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duaa/pseuds/duaa
Summary: Virgil is well versed with the act of scamming people.Here's how he does so with his own life.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Comments: 14
Kudos: 36





	Making Things Work (And Other Scams)

There's just something about working at Sabre, just that... feeling, unique and special and completely indescribable. Just that feeling that blossoms in Virgil's chest, deep down, slowly extending its tendrils as he moves through the mornings. Just that feeling that Virgil could only explain with an exasperated sigh and a resigned nod, a question left unanswered. Just that feeling of absolute shame and guilt and embarrassment. 

'Ah, Virgil, what do you do, again?' They ask, head tilted, curious. 

'Oh, uh, I work at Sabre.' Confusion. A lack of recognition. 

'As a?' 

'Um, I work in sales.' A quick look over, eyes sweeping in his hoodie and tastefully ripped clothes and well worn shoes. An eyebrow raise, _how did someone so awkward end up in sales?_ The answer presents itself. A polite look masking disgust and contempt.

'Ah! Yes, yes, of course.' No one ever asks what he sells. No one ever needs to ask, putting two and two together wasn’t as hard as it looked. They turn away. Virgil flounders for a second before leaving. 

He knows that he deserves more. No, he doesn’t. He knows that he would like more. He wants something more, something better than working for a scam company. He wants something better than calling old ladies and pretending that he was their grandson to get them to buy his crappy products. It actually worked really well. He’d been employee of the month for around eight months now. His bonus was all he had to live on, his salary was just enough to pay his rent. He needed a better paying job. 

Which is what he told his boss. Which, to anyone else on planet earth, may seem like a horrible idea, but it wasn’t. His boss simply nodded and said that Virgil got dibs on whatever odd job he comes across. It wasn’t like he could afford to leave the one job he had, his boss knew that. One time, Virgil was sick and his boss tried to pull the whole ‘aha-I’m-here-and-oho-you’re-not-actually-sick-busted’ thing by visiting Virgil’s home. Virgil was so deliriously out of it, he didn’t even know that his boss came until three days later he realised that there was a card on his dining table. He wished it had a twenty stapled. 

Feeling that ‘special-Sabre-something’, Virgil trudged out of his house, ready for a fun twelve hour shift. He liked his twelve hour shift. It tired him out enough to get twelve hours of sleep. A perfect cycle. He was either well-rested or well-tested. No in between. 

Entering the... building (??), Virgil immediately noticed that something was wrong. He could see a man in his boss’ office. Wearing a suit. Sunglasses. Coffee in hand. Could be police. Could be a lawyer. Could be anyone. Virgil didn’t like that. He ducked his head and turned to Dahlia. 

“Excuse me, can I use the restroom?” Dahlia, sweet Dahlia played along. She asked no questions. Not even a ‘how may I help you?’ when actual customers came in. Just a ‘huh?’. 

“Of course. Down there.” Back to solitaire. Nodding, he scurried inside, waiting it out. This is why he always showed up twenty minutes early. He would wait here until his shift started and hopefully, the FBI would be gone then. 

He passed the time by surreptitiously checking his phone. After fifteen minutes had passed, he decided to get out. He just couldn’t not be early. He slinked out and into his booth, trying to pretend like he was always here. He did that once, traffic was horrible and he was a little late. He just said ‘Huh? Right, I was late, yeah, and Leo wasn’t reading his horoscope.’ when asked about it. Everyone laughed. Terrence claimed to have seen him. Oh yeah, huh, now that you think about it, of course, I saw you too! 

_Of course._

He did his usual checks. Phone, working. Datasheet, working. Water, check. He was about to start his second round of checks when Dahlia rang his line. 

“Office, now.” He inhaled. And internally screeched. Exhaled. Scrambling towards the tinted glass, he tried to recall what flavour of gum he was chewing. Did he brush his hair today, dear god -

“Virgil! Come in, come in!” Oh okay. Everything seemed cheery and fine. “I have great news!” He had great news!

He smiled and nodded. Smile and nod. 

“You know how you wanted me to let you know if any work came up?” OH FUCK YES!

“Yeah?” 

“This one is kinda weird. Which I would’ve rejected already, but it pays extremely well. So I wanted to let you decide.” He idly wondered how many ‘weird’ ones his boss threw out the window. 

“Um, what is it?”

“My friend, Remy Beltore, here -“ He tilted a photo frame of two scrawny looking teenagers, rolling their eyes at the camera. “- yeah, he needed a favour. He wouldn’t tell me the details. But, he basically needs any random guy from here for a whole day.”

“To do what?”

“I have no clue.” _Prostitution. Prostitution. Prostitution._ “Now, I know what you’re thinking, and no, it’s not sex related.” 

“Why would I be thinking that?” His boss stared him for a split second, the way he always did when Virgil asked him a stupid question. Virgil raised his eyebrows. His eyes flickered over to the photo, squinting at it. He could recognise his boss, blue eyes rolling into his head. They must be pretty close for him to just have a picture lying around like that. He looked at his boss again, dull blue eyes staring into his own.

“It pays well. More than I make.” He admitted.

Ho ho holy shit. Virgil was lucking out here. “How come you didn’t take it yourself?” 

He stares at Virgil again. “Virgil. Do you want it, or not?”

“Yes, I do.” He should be taking more time to think, except his boss doesn’t work like that. Yes or no, five seconds, get out. He said that any choice that took you longer than a blink to make wasn't a good choice at all. Virgil disagreed on several levels. On all levels. 

“Great. He wants you at ten, at the library out front.”

“Today?!” What? No! Hell no!

“Yes. Wear what you’re wearing now. Bring some sort of ID with you. You’ll get half up front, half when it’s done. And listen, I _know_ it's nothing dodgy. Now, get outta here. Go home and look... better." He nodded, all but sprinting out of the office. He had two hours to look 'better'. How could he do that? What was looking better? How horrible did he look right now? Oh fuck -

A warm hand grabbed his wrist. He sighed as his soul left his body. Patton had him in his grips now, he was doomed now. Those two hours he had been given to get his act together would now be reduced to a measly ten seconds. Patton - for the lack of a better phrase - never fucking shuts up. Sure, Virgil likes him, he's a good enough friend, but he doesn't appreciate how overbearing Patton can be. They've drifted apart ever since they had their Fight, but that's nowhere here or there. 

"Virgil, what happened in there?" 

"Nothing -"

"- well, surely something did -"

"Patton, I'm in a hurry, I'll talk to you later, yeah, okay, bye!" And he's gone, wrenching his hand free to grab his bag and scram. He can hardly believe his luck, first a job, then escaping from Patton - he was on a roll! He was just about to round the corner to the bus stop when his phone. It was his boss. How delightful. 

"Virgil, go to the library right now. Do you have some ID?"

"I - uh, no?" 

"Doesn't matter, go anyways." The phone cuts off. Virgil walks to the bus stop anyways, sitting down on a bench next to an old lady. Inhale. Exhale. Scream. He couldn't just panic like this, it wouldn't do him any good. He didn't know what he was supposed to be doing. If he went ahead and met up with this Remy Beltore (Mr. Beltore? How old was he anyways?), he would find out. What if he didn't want to do it? He would say so, and leave. Would his boss be angry? Maybe. 

_Oh god no why jesus christ oh shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shi -_

He got up from the bench. There was way too much unknown. He just couldn't rationalise his way out of this. He would just go to the library - he idly wondered if they would make him shelve books, oh fuck he would love that, he could even hang out with Logan, wow that would be awesome - and find out. Nodding to himself, he rounded back the corner and stalked his way to the library. Logan's shift must've started. Virgil was pretty excited to see Logan - they barely saw each other anymore. Sure, they would text sometimes, but when one person has twelve hour shifts, there was no time for socialising. No matter how much he missed it. And Logan. And Roman. He missed them so, so much it hurt. He missed Remus, too. And his brother. All they did was leave voicemails to each other. 

"Virgil Storme?" He looked up to see the Man from the office. He nodded. "Remy. I know we just sprung this on you, but don't worry about it, at all." Don't worry about it. Don't worry about what? For the first time in his entire life, Virgil had no idea what to be anxious about. Remy barged on ahead and Virgil felt like his head was spinning.

"So basically, you just have to be my assistant. My actual assistant eloped." 

"I... what will I be doing?" 

"Nothing. Just wear a suit, hold a notepad and nod. Say things like 'I'll check in him'. Or don't say anything at all. Gurl, you can do anything you want." He looked at Virgil, eyes hidden behind his shades. "Okay, you look scared. I have to attend a business lunch party thing. You need to sit beside me. In the pocket of your suit - which we will get you - there will be a funky phone and a pad of paper. I may walk around. You'll walk around with me. No one will say anything to you, so you really don't need to look like death. After that, there's a meeting or something. In the middle of that meeting, you barge in and hand me a card. I escape the meeting. The work day is over." 

"Oh, uh, okay." 

"I need an assistant because my dad's friends will be there and if they see me flying solo, I will get in trouble."

Virgil stared at Remy. He didn't look as old as Virgil's boss. He looked around Virgil's age. He seemed rich. Like, filthily rich. He doesn't seem interested in his job. Which probably pays more than Virgil ever made in his whole life. 

"Virgil, I gotta say, you still look very frightened." 

He tried for a smile. Remy shook his head. "Channel apathy, hon, don't look approachable. We'll go over other things later, are you in?" Remy produced an envelope. Virgil looked at the number scrawled on it. His head was spinning. With all that money, he could put it in a bank (oh god no, he sounded so... ew) and maybe drop a few hours from his shift. He could see Logan and Roman and Remus and Janus! He would see less of Patton! 

"Uh, okay, I'm uh, down." Remy flashed a smile at him, pearly white teeth blinding him. 

"Before we go, that boy has been waving at you the whole time." Remy pointed and YES THAT WAS LOGAN! WOOHOO! PRAISE THE LORD - and before he knew it, he was flying towards an equally excited looking Logan. He immediately pulled Logan into a hug, not because he was scared that he just sold his soul to a rich demon, but because he just did that everyday. Logan's arms encircled him, squeezing tight. 

"L, I'm so scared, holy shit," He murmured into Logan's shoulder. "You know that guy with the suit? I'm going to be his assistant for the day and oh my god, L -" 

"Take deep breaths, Virgil, you'll be okay. Isn't that Remy Beltore? Son of Emile Beltore?"

"Who the fuck is that?" He wasn't letting go of Logan until he needed to leave with Remy. 

"Rich famous guy. I'm surprised you don't know him. You know, Beltore Electronics?"

"Oh. Huh. Still scared."

Logan shook his head against Virgil's, and sure, he was kinda breathing down Virgil's neck, but it didn't really matter right now. "Oh no, Remy has a reputation for being extremely laid back. He still runs the business efficiently, it's quite impressive. Besides, he's quite young, nothing like his father." 

Virgil let out a groan, fisting his fingers in Logan's hoodie. "I miss you. I might drop some hours from my shift after this."

He could feel Logan smiling against his shoulder. "Good. I miss you, too. Roman and Remus do, too. Also, I think you blocked Remus from your voicemail, right? You should unblock him. He's quite upset that he can't leave you messages."

"Oh. Okay." Logan hums.

"I think it's time for you to go." Logan released him and wow, Virgil felt a lot better now. "Bye, Virgil."

"Thanks, Logan. Bye." He stalked back to Remy who was entertaining himself on his phone. Fuck, wasn't it super rude to just leave someone like that? Remy looked up at him and nodded appreciatively. 

"Yes, good, you look less... horrified. Okay, say bye to your boyfriend, it's time to go now." Virgil turned to wave at Logan, receiving his own hogwild farewell in return. He didn't protest the sudden change in relations he was assigned, how did it matter? Remy took off and Virgil followed, a little bit more frightful at the prospect of wearing clothes that were not his. Thankfully, there wasn't a limo or a private jet they were getting into. Just a black _mercedes_ that Virgil clambered into, getting into the backseat. Remy was driving. Fast.

"So, Virgil, the lunch thing is at lunch, so we have time to kill. Once we reach the quarters, Thomas will give you a detailed tour thing, because you two are extremely alike. Um, am I missing anything else?" He muttered under his breath and Virgil was struck with the realisation that he just got into a car with a stranger (albeit a famous and well known stranger) and had no clue where they were going and fuck he was so so screwed. 

Remy pulled up in front of a huge building with floor to floor glass windows and oh god he was actually doing this. The envelope felt heavy in his pocket (it was a cheque, there was no reason for it to be heavy) and he tried to ignore his jitters. Whatever. He was just going to do this and wing it and oh god no no no no he never wings things what is this he doesn't wanna do this anymore no he wants his exhausting job back he doesn't like this oh god he wants Logan again no no no when did they get into a lift he didn't even see the lobby what the fuck what if someone said something to him and he didn't respond oh god he was going to be fired and fucking hell he just wants Logan this sucks ass 

"Thomas! There you are! This is Virgil Storme," Virgil's head snapped up to meet brown eyes mirroring his own expression. Virgil could recognise that fear, that heart pounding and nerve wracking look in his eyes. "Virgil, this is Thomas Sanders. Thomas, just... take care of him. Tell him what Mel used to do before she ran away with Maria. And get him in a suit or something." Thomas nodded before smiling at Virgil. Wow, no wonder Remy told Virgil to look more pissed. Remy sauntered away, leaving Thomas to stare at Virgil. 

"Um, we both have purple hair, that's... neat." 

"Yeah, it is," That wasn't neat, that was fucking strange. Why did they look so alike?

"Um, I have a few cousins, with the name Storme. Uh." 

"Oh. Huh. I was adopted into the, uh, Storme family, um." 

"Oh! Oh, do you know Janus Storme?"

"He's my brother!" Wow. Janus did tell him that they had a shit ton of cousins scattered around everywhere. For some reason, this was not making Virgil panic. Wow, that's nice. 

"No way! Oh my god, it's been so long since I saw or talked to them - uh, you all!" Thomas looked really excited. Virgil was sort of excited. It was nice. "Well, I think we should go over what Remy's old assistant used to do now. Um, follow me here." They walked into a small office, it had a bunch of pictures of dogs and children and just looked very... childish. Virgil's blood runs cold at the thought of another Patton-esque friend.

"Is this your office?"

"Oh heavens, no! This is Mel's office. Well, it used to be, now it's yours. Um, I think Joan will get you a suit. Anyways, so, here's the calendar..." They went over everything in immaculate detail and Virgil really his cousin. He went over everything like a hundred times, which is exactly what Virgil wanted. Sure, he didn't make the same sort of jokes Virgil did, but they found each other funny. He also felt a lot better about his job, he barely had to do anything. Most of it was just show. And telling people that Remy was busy and keeping his schedule as clear as possible. There were a few people who always needed to meet with Remy and who should definitely be given an appointment - thankfully, that was all written down, too. 

"Also," Thomas says, "How's Janus doing?" 

"Oh my God, Thomas, where do I even begin? Wait, see this -" He unlocks his phone, showing off the picture he has as his lock screen. It's all of them (Patton not included) at Roman's house. "Okay, that's Janus, obviously. And see, these twins, Roman and Remus, they both like Janus," Thomas gasps. "Yeah, and Janus likes both of them." 

"Oh my god!" 

"But no one made a move. None of them. And Janus doesn't know what to do, and neither do these two. It's painful." He smiles at the picture. 

"Who's this?" Thomas points to Logan. 

"That's Logan, he's my best friend. He's just... great." The door bursts open, hangers flying in. 

"Incoming!" A voice calls out and Thomas rolls his eyes. 

"That's Joan. They're probably going to do some sort of fitting and get you in your fancy clothes." Joan appears out from behind hangers and waves at Virgil. 

"Alright, Virgil, let's get this show on the road. Try this one on."

"Um, don't you need measurements?"

"Nah, I just went with average male." Right on dot. 

"Makes sense." He looks around for where to change and Thomas and Joan file out, leaving Virgil alone with the suits. In an attempt to not panic, Virgil decided to employ a wonderful technique called 'no'. It's great and he loves it, so, so much. All he has to do is look away from his problems and just think 'no no no no no no'. He doesn't freak out and doesn't exactly stay calm. It's super effective. 

He puts the suit on. No no no no no. Fits great, looks great, wonderful. He opens the door. Joan nods and reels the hangers away without saying a word. Thomas ushers him inside. 

"I jinxed Joan so they can't speak for now!" He exclaims. Figures. "Okay, ready to go?" Virgil looks at Thomas, someone he suddenly takes comfort in being around. Virgil is a little impressed with himself, he managed to connect and make a friend. He didn't think he had it in himself, it was seriously some sort of christmas miracle. From what Thomas told him, Remy is actually really nice and understanding. 

"Yeah, I'm ready to - oh, just a second." Logan was calling him! This was the most human interaction he'd had for quite some time, and talking to Logan was quite the luxury. He picked up his phone, giddy because _oh my god I can call Logan and talk and we can meet up after this and oh my god that would be so much fun oh fuck yeah I can see Jan and Remus and Roman and everyone holy shit!_

"Hello Virgil. Are you... wherever you needed to be?" 

Virgil huffs a laugh. "Sort of. We're going to a lunch party."

"Why does he need an assistant there?"

"To look important? I dunno either."

"When do you get back home?"

"Sometime in the night. Er, evening. I dunno, Mr. Beltore has another meeting after that and I'm supposed to bail him out with a fake emergency."

"Would it kill him to sit through a meeting?"

"I know right?! Can't complain, though."

"No, I suppose not. Well, let me know when you'll be back home, everyone is eager to meet you. Movie marathon at my house." 

"Sounds awesome. I'll call."

"Bye, Virgil."

"Bye, Logan." And just like that, Virgil registers that he's in a lift. How did he get here? Thomas is holding his arm and his ears flush red - dear god, he really should be more attentive. They step out into the lobby (looks pretty sub-par) and Thomas turns to him. 

"You're gonna do great! Seriously, there's no way to mess up. There's nothing you could do to fuck it all up!" 

"Dance naked?"

"Again, nothing you could do." Virgil smirks at Thomas. "See you around... cousin?" 

"My name's Virgil." Thomas shoves him slightly and they stand in companionable silence. Remy - Mr. Beltore, Virgil, don't call him Remy - bursts in through the lobby and walks out, sliding into a fancy looking car. Virgil knows nothing about cars. Thomas pats his shoulders and he hastens to follow. Once inside, the chauffeur takes off. This is so weird, a chauffeur was dr - no no no no no, no time to contemplate. 

"Virgil, do you have a page filled with fake appointments?" 

"I will, in a few seconds." He scribbles a bunch of bullshit, something he can do with ease. "Yes. Busy month." 

"Month? I'm proud." Does that Starbucks cup ever run out of coffee? "Pepper in a few with my father whenever someone annoying asks." Virgil nods. What kind of an event is this? An appointment making event? Lunches were supposed to be about food and verbal discussions, not about pestering Virgil! 

"Think of some sort of emergency for the meeting later. Actually no, we can just reuse an excuse I gave those people before, uhhh, yeah!" He snaps his fingers, eyes alight with mischief. "Say that the third batch is defective again." Virgil turns a page and neatly jots it down. 

"Done and done."

"Get Thomas to call you like three times before you burst into the meeting, okay? Put on a show."

* * * 

Logan wraps an arm around Virgil's waist, pulling him closer. Virgil drops his head on Logan's shoulder, breathing in his cologne. The movie played in front of them, bathing them all in its colourful light. Roman opened and closed his mouth, looking like a fish.

"What even?" He managed to get out. Virgil shrugged. 

"I'm basically rich now, Ro." Logan nodded sagely. 

"Yes, Virgil, you are in the 1% now. Congratulations." Virgil tucked his head closer to Logan, relishing in how warm he was, soft and comforting. "All jokes aside, I'm glad that this happened. Including your newfound cousin." Remus and Janus snickered and Virgil glared at them, effect slightly lost due to the way he was wrapped around Logan. 

They turned to the movie for a brief moment, silently enraptured by the events on the screen. Until Virgil's phone started vibrating uncontrollably, rattling. Janus plucked it off the table and tossed it in his direction. After scrambling some more, he picked it up - Thomas was calling him. He (regretfully) unwrapped himself from Logan, sighing. 

"Hello?" 

"Hi, Virgil. Um, so, Remy wanted me to let you know tha-at..." A pause. "... if you want to be his assistant, for like real, um, that job is open, obviously and uh, if you want it, it's yours, basically." 

"Oh. Oh! Seriously?" 

"Yeah! Um, I know it's way past office hours -" Virgil glanced at the clock. He would've been working right now if he was in Sabre. "- but I just figured, um, I'd let you know. Uh, I'm sorry that I called so late, I should let you go, now, uh -"

"Oh, hey, uh, it's not a problem at all. Um, should I - should I call tomorrow, or?" 

"Um, no, someone will call you tomorrow, um, you'll probably start next week, though. Uhm."

"Okay! Uh, that sounds really great, um, thank you!" 

"Yeah, yeah, no problem! I, uh, I should get going now. Um, bye!"

"Bye, Thomas." 

Before he could burst out with the great news, everyone started chuckling. He frowned at Logan who was hiding a grin behind his hand. 

"Uh, uh, um, my name is Virgil and that's great, oh, uh, um, er!" 

"Princey, you're dead to me!" 

"I'm sure Thomas was no better." Janus batted his eyelashes innocently at Virgil, who sunk into Logan, arms crossed. 

"Fuck you all! I have a new job, so I'll just buy new friends!"

**Author's Note:**

> lmk if you see a typo!  
> hope you like it ❤️💕


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